Seyid.O.Seyid

Lost in Styles of Verbal Communications!

 

By SEYID OULD SEYID

“ The most important thing in communication is hearing what is not said ”-Peter Ducker

Social creatures of the Western African country Mauritania are born to communicate indirectly .This is how they are in their most verbal communication style. Actually, lacking communication culture fostered certain behavior that has pushed Mauritanians to be unspecific in communications, according to my personal little experience, if I have any.

Historically, to be precise- not your perception -  in demonstrating this singularity, please let me take my capital ME to be my own case study in this context at least.  I was born under a military regime in the nation of historical coups toppling most of its presidents by military force, trained and travelled in democratic countries. Opening up in this culture could be a real adventure, if not tragedy in the past. Nowadays, we called our country a big democracy with no limit of free expressions. Still we are not democrat thinkers or straight speakers. Nature has its implication in that modelling of no model. Disorder is our order .We used to live up in free open space when we were nomads on the move in the desert, following rain clouds and avoiding wind directions.

Please hold it, socio-political contradictions are second nature here. The State constitution would like to teach us to act civically when there is no civisms as children of the State and give up the perceived notion shaping our mind to be servant of tribal well-beings. We tend to forget that rigid habit dye hard in rage, if they are not eternalized. Before the existence of any state authority, the tribe was the leading authority taking charge of its member’s well-faire. In this regard, please make no mistake; individualism is meaningless absolute selfishness. To fit within the Mauritanian society I know best, you have to learn how to serve social, tribal or regional system. You should consider your individual needs as last item on your priority list. If you do not follow up, you are the worst failure to avoid. This is the beginning of total rejection for dooming seclusion. Even worse, you will have to keep it as your lifetime secret; complaining is not allowed. Proper channel of communication is not accessible.

Fortunately, the best mean to share your fears is to talk about them indirectly even in family setting.  To speak with your father about any significant topic. It is preferred to communicate your message through your mother's tongue. That message is likely to be heard. Only your mother is listening with her heart tirelessly. If your mother cannot take your burden on her shoulders by facing her angry or misunderstood husband.  The indirect magic formula would be the other way to try.

Hereby, you must be expert in bringing forth a long introduction that has nothing to do with the original topic as I did in this paper of expert complication. For example, if I have a problem with my brother, or school issue, I have to introduce the story by reporting the problems of my neighbors, and then compare it to mine to conclude with my specific personal ones in exaggerated terms to play the innocent role, while purifying myself from all imaginable sins. I am innocent said once a Mauritanian president in an official speech. Such declaration does not hold water. Under his brilliant leadership, it is almost unconceivable to be innocent of alleged corruptions or atrocities of his regime.

During my narration, I have to be a perfect example of shyness, and reluctance, my eyes should remain downwards, if not closed totally. I should never ever look into the face of any older man, not to mention my own father or questioned the veracity of remarks. I must be cunning in choosing special repertoire of indirect vague words. It is just my desperate attempt to start that difficult never-ending conversation.

That is the best local strategy of verbal communication I have witnessed. If there is any deviation to simple straight short, sweat talk. It might be understood as silly or impolite style. It could be your condemnation to go back to the age of mothering drills to get painful update on how to speak to the king of your house or your family military commander.

The indirect style of communication may turn into a closed dead end in big social gathering of the elder community. This is the place of absolute silence. If you are young, you are only permitted to listen and execute social orders of the elders to the letters. The youngsters have no voice in Saga meeting of the wise community. It is logic in the present wisdom that unwise men like me should be voiceless or get out of such meetings. Females have no chance to be heard in big masculine gathering.  They must wait for their day to shine in closed female circle as they are still doing in most of marriage celebrations in Gulf countries.

Honestly, sometimes the so-called wise men are unwise in their statements but I would be crazy to voice it, if I dare to imagine saying it. We must learn to be patient and absorb any frustration of the Generations huge Gap to narrow ultimately by modernity requirements.

Our generation's gap would get wider than ever if I switch to the direct style of the super nation of the United States emerging from Western side of the blue Atlantic Ocean that might turn dry under the invasion of our desert kingdom.

As it stands, my heart is falling apart as I try to remain indirect in my communications while on the dry side; I must be direct in my conversations with the interlocutors of the wet land or of the old continent citizens. In the wet land, they tell me to be direct in making my point specifically and write as I speak concisely. For them, to show respect and interest, you have to look into the eyes of your interlocutor. It has to be a face-to-face style of direct verbal communications. The Americans had taught me to bold in expressing myself fearlessly. What a surprising global lesson to apply in local denying culture! As George Bernard Shaw put it, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”. It is painful to cross all times from the indirect verbal communication style of my mother Arabic language culture to the direct communication mode of my acquired foreign universal tongue. It is puzzling and dazzling when two modes of verbal communication are at loggerheads. Why they cannot be harmonious for the sake of common simplicity?

As forgetful as I am under daily pressures, my life is a constant struggle to follow up the dry land communication rules while still on the wet one and vice versa. Sometimes, I dream of being a model on both sides to bring my shattered tribes in getting closer and work in complementarity to reduce sharp distinctions. I have to make peace on both sides of the Atlantic. My original being and my large dreaming are split on the deferent sites of the Atlantic Ocean. Please let us get together through peaceful connection and learn to agree on common rules of either indirect or direct communications. 

I would love to explain to you, my dear readers - if I have any - my ideas clearly but it is impossible without being stuck or lost in conflicting styles of verbal communications. In my daily battle, I do my best to accept and understand people as they are. In the same token, I am keen to sound acceptable as I am, without the judgment of the beholder eyes or ears. “Be the change you want to see in the world”, as forged by the wisest Gandhi. We have to sing the song of the birds when we enter their forest, as local adage goes.

Please do not get me wrong. When I say you, it means me; when I used the pronoun I, it means everything as long as there are such contradictions in my daily linguistic patterns or verbal communications! Does that make any sense, even in a world of non-sense? When it comes to choosing between absurdity and diplomacy I will try the latter exist with a quote from Noble Prize winner Will Durant, “To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy”.